December 20 2000: 

But anyway what really interested me was that... *cough* 

What kind of guys do I like?

Hmm. 
I mean, I admit... seeing hyde was like seeing an angel.

hyde would be the perfect 'me'. If Pisces are two fishes, then he'd be the other fish of the cycle. Although I doubt very much that we're exact clones, or maybe I'm psyching myself into behaving like the haido of my thoughts (not really, I've been like that since I was 12.)

But tetsu is _too_ beautiful. I dont understand what is it about hyde and bishounen. To me, tetsu is as beautiful as hyde is. And he isn't act-cute, he's just _cute_. *huffs*

beauty is a relative thing, isn't it?

And I really like Sakura's dark beauty. In his own way... I mean, even now. In zigzo... I really like his aura. he just seems like the perfect guy, you know? The perfect shoujo-manga guy.*laughs*

But anyway it's just an impression that I have, I mean, if I'm really hyde... *sweat*

why I like hyde x tetsu- it's like the perfect pairing....

Oh well. bishounen is usually associated with yaoi but Imnot going into yaoi now.

anyway, I think that Tetsu has the most beautiful face. hyde's face... just symmetrical. Sometimes, it almost makes me want to melt into it. But most of the time, I feel disgusted at seeing it.. because it's like seeing a part of myself.

I hate myself.
Not that I'm pretty, but... 

Even my hairstyle resembles his! (and to think the idiot hairstylist cut it into a _bob_ before that.. it just grew out. O_o) And I dont have the cash to cut it off. *sweat*

Sometimes I think that the 'universal' type of beauty can't be appreciated easily by singaporeans. Why? They're used to seeing black and white. 
*laughs*
Why people mistook hyde for girls. And my Lit teacher was talking about Boy George when he saw that. And why this butch in my skool was sneering at me for liking drag queens (I used to be fanatic about pasting Yoshiki on my textbooks) when she looks like a guy. (they say I look like a lesbian.. *shrug*)

I can imagine that if they drive me over the edge, I can't reliatiate, but I'll just kill myself in front of them. Just a thought. 

I heard hyde was despised in skool because of his good looks? hmm. Not that case for me, but similar somewhat. 

Or maybe like many of those fxxkin idiotic fans out there, I'm just trying to associate myself with L'Arc.

Anyhow L'Arc's starting to get famous here in Singapore. I sincerely dread the day more people like them... I can't really imagine it. But so many idiots are turning v-rock fandom into some stupid fandom. I despise that. I met some kool people but I cant care for shit for the rest of them. 

Like the rest of the world, I presume.

Right now, I can' care for v-rock anymore.. I mean, they're getting dull. _really_ dull. Half of the 'famous' v-rock bands aren't what I care to even scan in anymore. (I volunteered my help at grenchan's site... I get myself into shit.)

anyway.

v-rock is dying really fast. Good bands are gone, good bands aren't famous anymore/ v-rock anymore, lousy bands keep popping up, good bands don't get appreciated, prolly because they aren't violent/pretty enough. Or perhaps they dont have color coding like DEG. *snorts*

list of good v-rock bands- Malice Mizer, Janne Da Arc, hide, X, D=sire (ok, I'm biased.), Lacryma, zigzo (I'm really biased), Laputa. I havent heard the rest, and I totally detest DEG, DLQ, Lareine, La Mule, la feizer(blah), la xxxxxxx...etc.

Talking about the bishounen craze...

I think v-rock is just a segment of the liking for bishounen. Just not as mainstream.
*shrugs* so that's why they aren't called sellouts... *shrug*

I mean, guys who look like girls- might as well dress like girls! Anyway makeup does wonders! Anyway prettiness sells well!

but I love L'Arc's beauty. Nothing beats Tetsu's angelic smile on a really bad day.

Unless, of course, he decides to shave his head bald on that exact same day... *ponders* Really getting off the v-rock roots? *laughs*

unless, of course, i've had a car accident and gone blind.

Unless, of course... I had too much at skool and decided to jump off the building. Hmm.....the possibilities are endless...

By the way, I just figured that if looks aren't important, it sure helps in others' judgement. Now I _really_ feel suicidal.

bythe way, hyde was even mistaken for a girl in his blonde hair- I think I've talked about this  times before, but... the guy actually asked me, about _blonde_ _hyde_, if he's _really_ a guy, and says that he has the face of a girl.

Damn, I want to rip off that facial mask.^^; (damn, I'm really getting violent as well. Too much hatred for violence in v-rock fandom. Paradox! mwahahha!)

I wanna go rarukara! 

And I figure that if others' fanarts suck so much and they can put it on a high-traffic web, then I can be thickskinned enough to stick my fanarts on my page. Just a thought.
But fanart really doesnt sell. And opinions aren't what everyone cares to hear. And people just want to see their kakkoi hyde.  heck, people only notice kakkoi hyde. 

Fandoms suck, I swear.

Oh, and I'm still immature about megoomi. 
sue me. 
my world is not yours, doods! while I'm at it, I need more chocolates. And working rocks better than skool. and I'm still suicidal half the time, with debts to add to it! (yay.)
We. Deal. With. Our. Own. Things. You have the energy to deal with hyde clw megoomi marriage, fine, go ahead. But I have to deal with all these shit, so it doesnt hurt to get a depressive agent after fighting so hard and wallowing in self-depressive shit.

Anyway I never really cared for hyde, or Tetsu... I really cared for Sakura. but that's another matter...

anyway, my thoughts are 'anemone', aint it?

Anyway I need to save up my pay. I stilll wanna work on skool days, I'm startin to get addicted to work..dang. O_o

And I really like D=sire's melody.

And I think v-rock fandom has no-brain freaks half the time. the other half are big-brained filosophy freaks. and some of them are really 'kool' goths. the rest are depressive outcasts. *ponders* 

Dear Santa,
for christmas I want a tetsu clad in SM clothes.
Unfortunately, it's not for me, it's for the tranquilizer dart and the absolute zero temperature so that I can keep his beauty intact forever. *watches tetsu's eyes widen and _runs_ for his life* mwahahhaa!
Love, hidoko Matsumoto. (santa: O_o;)

Boy, no one would believe me if I said I work at a children's apparel + stuffed toy store.
But one thing I like about stuffies is that a) they never change their hearts, b) they'll never hurt you. c) they're cute and huggable. *shrugs*

I'm prolly gunna get flamed for slamming v-rock. *hums*