28 04 2001: 

Okay okay...seeing that my, my, I have created such a stir, I shall make a list that a Perfect Singaporean like my beloved fellow countrymen have made themselves out to be. Sorry for the O.T.ness, but my dear fellow countrymen have to be appeased before another irrevocable war breaks out-Don't you remember the mob in Julius Caesar?

Well, I sincerely apologise and swear with an ardent repentance that I shall follow your shining examples in the future. This list will reflect the kind of person that I should be in my Perfect Citizen Life. 

All flames and criticisms will be accepted, even if it is on list with curse words on the subject title-I mean, Singaporeans have to show everyone of other countries and origins that we are proud of our country even if it makes us out to be coarse barbaric zombies which are blind to the apparent flaws of a government. 

Introducing....
 

Top 10 clauses of a Perfect Singaporean

10) I pledge to believe everything my government infiltrates in me thru the educational system. No second thoughts.

9) I pledge to feel proud of my country and its greater assets. I shall refuse to admit its flaws and insist that there's no better than the current systems, so as not to damage its pride and prestige...lah.

8) I pledge to defend my country when fellow countrymen speak ill of it in an attempt to rejuvenate the ideas instilled in him (her) called "National Education" which has obviously died off. Yes, even if my speech, shall, in the events of irreplaceable words, consist of constant vulgarities and incoherent ramblings-"Just respect Singapore, lah."

7) All that my government says are far-sighted and will make our pathetic spiritual lives enriched.

6) I pledge to portray Singapore and its citizens-of prestige, pride and nationalistic ideas-by being a perfect example myself, even if in the process it makes me out to be of coarse, rude, "kiasu" and "kiasi" culture.

5) I must, like the government, inspire initiation of campaigns for Singapore's and its leaders' stance even if it makes us all "talk no action", or even if in the process it has made us out to be zombies that contrive to a leading party's wish for progress and prosperity of the nation. Nevermind if everyone has become brainwashed zombies who cannot think for themselves in the process, so long as Singapore ranks world-class in airports. After all, "xi1 sheng1 xiao3 wo3, wan2 cheng2 da4 wo3"-nevermind if Singaporeans aren't all of Chinese origins either and the Confucian standards should not be applied to such minorities. 

4) Singapore is, and will always be, my motherland. Therefore I must be proud of her despite her apparent flaws and be blind to them. Afterall, I have no other mom; ta1 zhong1 jiu1 shi4 wo3 de ma1 ma. Lah.

3) I pledge to speak of only the country's good and be blind to its evils. The education system has made me to be a zombie, therefore I will be a zombie since the leading political party desires shallowness in its citizens in the scope named "mass media" that can be easily evaluated and distracts us from political events, so that we will only focus on the good points of current political situations in Singapore.

2) My every action shall contribute to the Singaporean society and its prestige. Even if, see all of the above.

1) We must ourselves defend Singapore lah. Otherwise hor, who will? (duh.)

Having read through these ten clauses, the Perfect Citizen is now born...lor. All hail Big Brother! Yay! Room 101 was such a nice place, I love Big Brother so much I should celebrate my re-birthday. Hip, hip, hurrah! Come celebrate wif me, fellow countrymen!

By the way, people with innovative ideas are what this country's government is looking for. If we cannot see through the flaws and improve on them, with the major issues of human rights, freedom of speech and movement, education, economics, etc etc on hand, then we are simply pathetic citizens. Since I am not a part of PAP (you might hope "never", but you never know.), I have the rights as a citizen to criticise and make fun of the existing flaws as given our current situation as Secondary School students-we do not have much of a valuable opinion of "constructive criticism" in the eyes of the Government unless it regards the education system-and not really so even then because we are mere nothings. Oh sure, we believe in whatever the government says about how much it cares for our opinions. When we become CEOs then our words will be golden. For now, silence is since we should all be studying, but I opt for silver.

Anyway, it is not slander because it is the undeniable truth, and given the sarcastic humour (which can be seen almost everywhere), it is indeed "poke fun at". Oh- and if you wanted, I could scan in the Today newspaper comic article (which I think I still have) that makes fun of George W Bush and his "powderful english" about the word "apologise" regarding the China-pilot incident. I think that spoke for itself-whoever said "this is not poking fun at" should really just open his (her) eyes wiiiide and wipe the glasses/contact lenses because it's soooo-super-blocked by precipitate of nationalism. 

-hidoko (No wonder you're all so pathetic and cannot so much as alter my perspective the slightest bit, you've been brainwashed so much by Room 101 set up by our dear Big Brother and are such great examples of mules. I note that my every word and action shall be a record against me in the future. All hail the federal courts of Singaporean justice on the list Larcenciel@egroups.) *goes off to study Amath*